The "No Stress News" Article Archive

Forgiveness as a Form of Anger Management
Part 2 - Understand in order to Forgive

In the previous article, which was about anger and forgiveness, I suggested that we should forgive in order to let go of anger. The reason I suggested that we let go of anger is that it is so harmful - to us, not to the people who offended us.

Now, you may be wondering how you can possibly forgive, even when you understand that anger is bad for you.

A good way to begin would be to understand. Understand the person at whom we're angry. Understand that even if they did offend us, they probably just didn't know any better.

When you think of it like that, it's easier to understand.

All of us hurt the people we love once in a while, just because we're not aware of a different way of acting. We hurt them because we don't know any better, not because we want to. We do the best we can, even though in many cases it's not nearly enough, and in other cases, it's even harmful and hurts people.

Every parent knows this. It's just a part of life. Just like we have to understand our parents and forgive them, our kids will have to understand and forgive us in order to heal their anger and their pain.

This brings us back to the article "I'm doing the best I can".

If you haven't read it, or if you need to refresh your memory, you can read it here:

==> http://nostressebook.com/archive/mybest.html

If we can understand what's said in that article, we can also understand that it is also true for the people who've hurt us. Understanding this will make it easier to forgive ourselves - which, for some people is much harder than forgiving others - and it will make it easier to forgive the people we're angry with.

How will it make it easier to forgive?

By remembering that they did what they could, what they knew. Even if it's not nearly enough, that's what you have. Remember that you would also like to be forgiven for the mistakes and damages you caused without even being aware of it.

You can, of course, stop here - you can stop by understanding. Understanding is very important, and you can make do with it. But, for your own sake, you can and you should take the next step and FORGIVE.

You might even be surprised to find out that once you understand, forgiveness comes naturally. Understanding leads to forgiveness.

So just remember: anger hurts you. Not the other person - you. Forgiveness releases anger and lets us use our energies for things that will be beneficial to us.

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Dvora Ifat and Shunit Ben-Tzvi are co-authors of "No Stress! How to Save Tons of Money on Shrinks and Doctors - Just by Reducing Stress!", a web authority on stress management and relief.
http://www.nostressebook.com
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