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Forgiveness as a Form of Anger Management



Some people are angry at the way one (or both) of their parents treated them as children, some are angry at friends who've hurt or offended them, some are angry at their spouse, their workplace, and some are even angry at the government or one of its institutions.

Mostly, when we're angry, we have a good reason for it. But...

...even when our anger is justified, even when we were wronged, being angry harms us and sabotages us. I know that when I'm angry, I feel that if I can be angry for a long enough time, it will somehow hurt the other person, like they hurt me, and I will be revenged. But it is always the person who's angry who is hurt the most by it - not the person who did the hurting.

Anger can do us more harm than the original offense that triggered it - this statement is backed by countless studies, which show the devastating effects of anger on the person who's angry.

"But if I was wronged, why shouldn't I be angry? Isn't it right for me to be mad?"

It may be right - we can have a debate about that at another time if you want - but it certainly isn't wise. There is a saying in some languages: "on the road, don't be right - be smart".

By holding on to your anger, you're hurting yourself over a long period of time. To heal the wound, both emotionally and physically (if you're already at a point where anger has physically hurt you), you need to let go of your anger and try to forgive.

"Forgive? After everything they did to me? What are you talking about? Why should I forgive them?"

Forgiveness is mostly for ourselves. There are extreme situations where we should not forgive, and there are situations where anger pushes us into the right sort of action; but normally, in everyday life, we hold unnecessary grudges. We can and should let go of these grudges.

When we let go of anger, we stop wasting so much energy on it. That energy we save can be transformed from the original negative, blocking energy to positive energy, which allows us to move forward and achieve our goals: at work, in relationships, in generating prosperity, etc.

So, how do you actually forgive someone, now that you know it's so important?

1. Release the anger and tension you're bottling up. A good way to do this, that you can get right now for FREE, is called the Amazing Formula. You can get it here (it's at the bottom of the page).

   Of course, any relaxation technique will work, but not quite in the same way.

2. Our good friend Steve G. Jones, a hypnosis expert, has been generous enough to offer you a course, which he usually sells for $49.95, for FREE: now you too can create your own hypnosis tape, and get through to your subconscious.

   This will make it much easier for you to let go of your anger. Just listen to his course (it's about two hours long), and then make a tape where you tell yourself to let go of anger.

   Get your free hypnosis audio course here.

3. Realize that however screwed up the person who offended you is, they probably didn't mean any harm - they did the best they could. Of course, there are cases where this doesn't apply, but in most cases, it's true.

Let's go into this one a little more in depth:

A good way to begin forgiving someone would be to understand. Understand the person at whom we're angry. Understand that even if they did offend us, they probably just didn't know any better.

When you think of it like that, it's easier to understand.

All of us hurt the people we love once in a while, just because we're not aware of a different way of acting. We hurt them because we don't know any better, not because we want to. We do the best we can, even though in many cases it's not nearly enough, and in other cases, it's even harmful and hurts people.

Every parent knows this. It's just a part of life. Just like we have to understand our parents and forgive them, our kids will have to understand and forgive us in order to heal their anger and their pain.

This brings us back to what we talked about yesterday: "I'm doing the best I can".

If we can understand what we talked about yesterday, we can also understand that it is also true for the people who've hurt us: they, too, did the best they could do.

Understanding this will make it easier to forgive ourselves - which, for some people is much harder than forgiving others - and it will make it easier to forgive the people we're angry with.

"How will it make it easier to forgive," you ask?

By remembering that they did what they could, what they knew. Even if it wasn't nearly enough, that's what you have. Remember that you would also like to be forgiven for the mistakes and damages you caused without even being aware of it.

You can, of course, stop here - you can stop by understanding. Understanding is very important, and you can make do with it. But, for your own sake, you can and you should take the next step and FORGIVE.

You might even be surprised to find out that once you understand, forgiveness comes naturally. Understanding leads to forgiveness.

So just remember: anger hurts you. Not the other person - you. Forgiveness releases anger and lets us use our energies for things that will be beneficial to us.


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