stress management quote:
As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.
- Proverbs 23:7 of the bible
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Listening - The Foundation Stone of Communication
Communication is the key to any relationship, which makes it
the key to success in almost any aspect of our lives.
Successful businessmen usually have good communication
skills. A good relationship between a man and a woman is
usually based on good communication, and so are
relationships between friends, maneuvers in politics, and
anything else involving people.
Good communication lets us achieve our goals, which leaves
us satisfied, and therefore less stressed.
You can write an entire library about communication and its
many aspects, but I'd like to talk about the foundation
stone of communication - listening. Listen to the person
who's talking to you. That's the most important part. Listen
out of an honest desire to understand what the other is
trying to say.
Most people don't really listen. At the best of times, they
hear, and even that's not always true.
So how can you be a better listener?
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Listen to the other person, not to yourself
Listening is about listening to what's being said, not to
whatever's going on in your head when you think about what
you're hearing.
Most of us have a tendency to listen to whatever goes on in
our minds (thoughts that are triggered by what's being
said), and then the answers we give relate to our inner
conversations, not to what the other person actually said.
Many times, we think we already know what our partner-in-
conversation is going to say, before they've even finished
talking. Then we reply to OUR assumptions, which may have
nothing to do with what our partner really said, and are
therefore totally not to the point. All this, because we
didn't listen.
A very simple way to make sure that we're both hearing and
listening is to ask the other person if what we thought they
said is what they actually intended to say. Doing this will
show us how often we understood "A" while the other person
was talking about "B". Why does this happen? It happens
because we interpret whatever's being said according to our
views.
Asking is a very simple technique, and it seems almost too
obvious to even be considered, but this is where we can
avoid most of the misunderstandings we come across.
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People change - give them a chance
Another good idea is to not assume that we already know the
other person, and therefore we know what they're going to
say. Yes, even if we've lived with them for years. People
have the right to change, and think and say new things.
Change is the most permanent element of life, and even those
closest to us change all the time.
Let people change. Don't treat them as if they are exactly
the same as they were last week. Assume that they might be
different today. You might even discover new, more exciting
people in your life.
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Devote all of your attention to the other person
When we listen, we should put all of our attention into
listening. Even though some of us may have the ability to do
several things at once, we still can't listen fully when
we're doing other things.
If you're busy, and someone wants to talk to you, tell them:
"Just a minute. I'll finish this, and then you'll have my
undivided attention."
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Sharing vs. asking for advice
Don't assume the person who's talking to you wants the same
things you would in the same situation. This is true in
general, and especially true between men and women:
Some people tell you things just because they want to share.
They don't want your advice or your help. They're venting.
Other people talk when they want a solution to their
problems.
And some people may just want to share today, and resent
you if you try to offer advice, yet tomorrow they'll want
your help.
If we're not sure what's expected of us, why not ask?
"Do you want my advice? Or do you just want me to listen?"
You have no idea how much people yearn for someone to listen
to them. Really listen. And when you listen, you will see
how to work things out, because you will finally understand
what the other person means. There'll be less fighting and
arguing, and more of getting what everyone wants.
Don't you think listening's worth it?
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